Looking In From The Outside
by ItsChaz
Summary: This is the side story of my series, "At My Window" and "At My Door". It follows the story from Dean's point of view as he struggles to come to terms with how his feels and whether or not he would be doing the right thing but letting Seth go. Ambrollins stalker AU, with a Seth/Randy scene and minor Seth/Dolph in the second chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, this has been such a long time in the making but here it is, finally! The Dean-centered side fic to my series "At My Window" and "At My Door". Instead of having two different stories for this I'm just going to split them into two different chapters, first chapter (this one) is going to be for "At My Window" and the second chapter will be for "At My Door".

Once again, the style is different from how I normally write and is even different from how I wrote the "At My..." series. I don't think I will ever write like that again. Past tense isn't for me :o.

WARNING: this is a STALKER AU and if that triggers or makes you uncomfortable, I highly suggest you don't read this. There's also a sex scene that leaves a character bleeding and throwing up but it's 100% consensual sex. Seth does try and cope with his problems by drinking so if that - excessive drinking - bothers you tread carefully.

I hope you enjoy it! xoxo.

* * *

 **Looking In From The Outside**

There he is.

When Dean first saw the gorgeous man at coffee shop near his auto repair shop, it was an accident. He took a small breather from working on the engine of a car to wipe some sweat from his face when he looked up to see him. Dean had to admit that he stared at him a few seconds longer than he should of but in his defence a. the stranger was hot and b. he was on the other side of the road and couldn't see him stare therefore it's okay in Dean's books.

The second time Dean saw the same man it was also an accident. He was a bar with a couple of his mates when he saw him chatting with the chick who was working behind the bar. Jealously flared up in him and by the way she was sticking her chest out it meant a. they were together and she was teasing or b. she was hoping that they were going back to her house after her shift. Dean stormed off and, in a fit of anger that he certainly doesn't regret, slashes all the tyres of the cars in the employee parking lot.

The third time Dean saw him it was also an accident. Okay, this time wasn't as much of an accident as the last two times but it was an accident nonetheless. Dean saw the man walking down the street with another man with him. The man was talk and dark and handsome, definitely someone Dean would go after if he didn't already have someone in mind. And the one he had in mind was right next to him. Dean drove behind them the whole time until they seemed to get to the mystery hottie's house.

"See you tomorrow, Seth," tall, dark and handsome said.

"Later, dude," the man – _Seth_ – replied.

 _Seth… Seth… Seth… Seth… Seth… Seth…_

Dean had chanted the name in his head a thousand times after he got home when he was lying in bed. He had to make him his no matter the cost. But there was no way such a perfect man would go for someone like Dean when he had the girl from the bar ready to pounce the second she can or the handsome man who was walking with him. In Dean's eyes he would never be able live up to them. He wasn't even worth the dirt beneath Seth's shoes.

The following weeks were always the same – coffee in the morning with the handsome man (who Dean found out was named Roman) and drinks at the pub were always from the same girl (who Dean learnt was named Nikki). He also found out that Seth was single, gay and was studying teaching at collage. He's living by himself and getting by with his parent's money and hasn't dated anyone in two years.

That number has sat in his contact under the name 'my bf 3' untouched for precisely five days before Dean mustered up the courage to send a message, he was watching Seth talking to Roman over beers at the pub (even though Roman was a married straight man Dean is still jealous that he gets so much of Seth's attention). Dean couldn't think of anything to send so he just sent _hey sexy ;)_ and hoped that didn't seem too weird. He was the phone move across the table when it vibrated and, not even a second after picking it up, he deleted the message and went back to laughing at Roman's jokes. Seth probably thought it was a message sent to a wrong number (oh, how wrong he was) and that's why he deleted it so quickly. Maybe it might take a lot more to get through to him.

In the next few days Dean had sent one too many texts to Seth to be morally okay or mentally healthy. Dean had to admit he was being kind of childish but he thought if Seth spent more time looking at his messages that Roman would get fed up and stop hanging out with him so Dean can have him all to himself. So far none of that has worked. After the first few Seth just turns his phone off and simply deletes them when he gets home. Dean noticed that his contact name was 'Creep' which wasn't okay but in Dean's eyes this was a step forward because Seth cared enough to save his number in his phone. Even though Seth had started looking over his shoulder a lot more and checking up on friends and family more often he hasn't contacted the police to try and track Dean down which, to him, obviously meant that their relationship was going in the right direction.

One day when Dean was at the pub on Seth look-out when he heard Seth's named being mentioned, "oh c'mon, just tell me where Seth is!" it was coming from a man with sexy dark looks. Why is everyone Seth's friends with so sexy?

"No Randy," Nikki said, "you have a girlfriend, you can't keep chasing Seth."

No fucking way. This hot girlfriended man can't be chasing after his Seth. How had he not noticed this guy before? Seth had never spent any time with him, Hell, he hasn't even mentioned him before.

 _Your friend Randy has a thing for you… I'd watch out if I was you ;)_ , Dean fired off the text without a second thought. Maybe Seth would get angry that Randy wanted to cheat on his girlfriend and would ditch him. Although Dean would never admit it out loud he had thought of some pretty sinister stuff to try and get rid of Seth's friends but, out of all the people, he wanted Randy to fuck off more than any of the others. Dean saw Randy as a serious threat because he was the only one who actually had any feelings for Seth.

Dean was sitting in the lunchroom taking a break with another one of the mechanics, Corey. He was going through the small array of photos he has taken of Seth. They were all photos taken of Seth laughing and smiling, expect for one of them and that was Dean's favourite. It was one when he was sleeping one time, he had fallen asleep watching a movie and Dean had thought the sight was too cute not to take a photo of and now it's the photo he cherishes the most.

"Is there something wrong man?" Corey asked.

"Huh?" Dean questioned.

"Is there something wrong?" Corey asked again, "You've been staring at whatever it is you're staring at for about ten minutes now."

"Oh yeah, just spaced out, ya know?" Dean replied quickly. It was probably too quick of a reply to be natural but Corey didn't say anything so it mustn't have been too bad.

"You've been 'spaced out' a lot lately," Corey commented.

"I have a lot of shit on my mind lately," Dean countered.

A moment of silence passed between them before Corey broke it again with a smirk, "you're seeing someone!"

Dean choked on his bite of food. Oh shit, what was he meant to say to that?

"Oh shit you are!" Corey shouted and pointed at Dean, whose mouth hung open in shock.

"Yeah? Maybe I am," Dean said when he recovered.

There, he had said it. He said that he and Seth were in a relationship and felt zero guilt for saying it.

Before going back to work he fires off a quick message, _hope you're having a great day, gorgeous ;)_.

Even though Dean had sent over a hundred messages to Seth he hadn't ever gotten one back. that's suited him fine, as long as he knew that Seth acknowledges them nothing else matters. Although some night he did think about how amazing it would be if Seth replied, even if it was only once and if it was something mean like 'fuck off'. It wouldn't matter because that message was from _Seth_.

That night Dean decided he would spend his night Seth. By 'spending time with Seth' it meant sitting in his car across the road drinking a six pack while he looked through Seth's open window. In Dean's mind that fact that Seth left his curtains open that means that he wanted Dean to watch him.

 _Hey babe how was your day?_

 _You look amazing, as always._

 _Randy was talking about you again._

 _I hate that bastard._

 _You know who else I don't like? That Roman asshole, that's who!_

 _Why does he think he deserves all of your time? You're my boyfriend so you should be spending your time with me._

Dean started typing out another message when he saw Seth ring someone. Was it Roman? Of course it was fucking Roman. Everything was about Roman.

But it wasn't. Across the time Dean had started getting to know Seth he had also learnt how good he is at reading lips and he knew that he didn't say "hey Roman". No, while Dean would have hated it he would have preferred it. No, Seth said "hey Randy". This shit won't do. Dean slammed down the rest of the bottle and then another one after that. It had only taken Seth five minutes before he rushed out to his car and Dean followed slowly behind him.

Dean sat at the bar nursing another beer while he watched Seth and Randy. They were sitting at one of the booth at the back where they had privacy from watching eyes. Well, almost all eyes. Dean noticed that Nikki had been watching them the second they both entered the pub together. They didn't have much of a conversation going between them. Dean knew Seth had something up his sleeve. Once they had their fourth round of drinks Seth started making moves and Randy quickly caught on. Dean knew Randy was eager to fuck Seth but he didn't think Randy would actually want to go through it with it. When Seth and Randy left Dean decided he would wait a minute before he followed so he didn't look off. He heard Nikki mutter "cheating pig" under her breath when she was wiping down the bar and Dean had a feeling she was going to tell Randy's girlfriend what was happening. He just hoped that Seth didn't get into too much trouble.

When Dean got back to the house he noticed that they were fucking in the hallway where everyone would be able to see… where he would be able to see. Dean knew Seth knew this. He was trying to prove something – that Dean didn't own him. Oh, but how wrong was actually was. Every bone in Dean's body just wanted to go in there to beat… no, he didn't want to bet Randy up, he wanted to kill Randy. Dean wanted to kill Randy, he wanted to make sure that it was painful and he suffered. No one should be allowed to touch Dean's Seth like that but there wasn't anything that Dean could actually do so he just had to let it happen before him. When Dean watched as everything unfolded before him every second was torture.

But when Randy did finish leave Dean didn't feel any more relieved. Randy had left Seth naked and balled up in a puddle of his puke because he wasn't man enough to take care of Seth when he wouldn't gain anything from it. Instead, Dean let himself into the house – that asshole didn't even lock the door – and washed Seth up himself and dressed him before he placed him in bed. He moped up the floor where all the spit, blood and vomit was, and Dean had almost lost control. Randy could do all this to Seth but then not look after him afterwards? Before leaving he placed some painkillers on the bedside table alongside a glass of water. After a couple of minutes of contemplating he decided to leave a note because he didn't want Seth thinking Randy would do anything like this for him.

 _That was pathetic. I can't believe what you did, whatever that was. Were you teasing me? I know you were. Look where that got you, passed out in vomit. Why the fuck did you even vomit and pass out? Was he that gross? I think he's that gross. Anyone who thinks they can put their hands on you is gross. They're fucking filth!_

 _Anyway, I let myself into your house (it was unlocked, I haven't made a key to break in, don't panic and pass out in puke again) and cleaned you up. I hope you don't mind (you probably do) and I promise I didn't try something funny on you but it was very tempting because you're so fucking sexy. Take the painkillers and drink all the water and eat something. I'll know if you don't._

 _P.S. don't try anything like that again because I will do something bad that I won't even regret._

 _I'll see you later,_

 _Love – D._

 _It wasn't the nicest note but Dean thought it got the message through. Seth wasn't allowed to be touched by anyone else, especially Randy._

 _The next morning Dean that called in sick because he wanted to spend the day with Seth. After the stunt he pulled last night Dean wanted to make sure Seth would take care of himself. When Seth woke up and read the note he took the painkillers and drunk the water, Dean felt a swell of happiness in him knowing that Seth did what he was told. Dean had no idea what Seth had done when he had a shower but he came out with red-raw skin which looked painful, that didn't make him very happy. What did make him happy was when Seth made himself something to eat so he sent Seth a message,_ _good boy_ _._

 _Seth looked conflicted for a second before relaxing, and he had even changed Dean's contact name to 'D' instead of 'Creep' which made him feel good. What would be better if he had let himself write his whole name on the note but he couldn't let himself to do that because it felt like it would to be too much._

 _Without a second thought Dean fired off another message,_ _talk to me._

 _There was a second where Seth had stood still for a minute with his back to Dean but soon his phone had buzzed with a message,_ _about what?_

 _Dean thought he had actually died right there. Seth had replied to his message. After more than a hundred messages he had finally gotten a reply although he felt that the reply was icy. But that didn't matter._

 _Anything,_ _Dean replied._

 _Why?_ _Seth's reply was quick._

 _Why what?_ _Dean countered. He knew what Seth meant but he wanted to talk to him a little longer._

 _Everything?_ _Seth's reply sounded a little dumb, like he didn't even know what he wanted to know although it should have been pretty obvious._

 _Because I like you. I like everything about you. I like everything you do,_ _it wasn't the answer that Seth had wanted and Dean knew this._

 _Why didn't you approach me like a normal person would?_ _Seth asked._

 _Oh. Why didn't he? Maybe because he was too ugly, too weird, too unsuccessful… the list would go on and on. There were many reasons why he couldn't so he just said,_ _I can't_ _._

 _What does that mean?_ _Seth asked._

 _Exactly as it says,_ _Dean replied._

 _Dean could see that Seth was about to start typing out a reply but he didn't want to continue this conversation so he decided to change the subject;_ _you're not going to fuck him again?_

 _Dean could tell that Seth had started to get frustrated with him. Dean knew that in realty he had no real control over what Seth did and if he did do something about it he would have ended up in jail._

 _No,_ _Seth replied and Dean felt himself relax even though he didn't think he was tense._

 _Good boy_ , Dean praised Seth again, _if he rings or texts you don't reply or answer otherwise someone will have to face the consequences._ Not that Dean would do anything to Seth, anything that would happen would happen to Randy and Randy alone.

Dean had let out a yawn and he realised that he hadn't slept for a whole day so he decided to would do home and take a nap, _goodbye,_ he typed out quickly before going off home.

After sending all of those messages to Seth he felt that they were so much closer than there were before. Dean thought that his note had let Seth know that he wasn't dangerous and he just wanted what was best for him and Dean knew that he was what was best for Seth.

Dean was woken up from his nap when his message tone went off. When he checked it he was both shocked and over the moon when he realised it was from Seth.

 _Do something for me_ , it read.

 _Anything,_ Dean typed back.

 _Let me see you. In person_ , oh shit. It wasn't a surprise that Seth had asked that question but Dean didn't think it would happen so soon. Honestly, Dean didn't think it would happen, full stop. He hoped that something would happen that torn them apart because that's the only way that would stop this from continuing but, at the same time, Dean didn't want Seth to date anyone else.

 _Anything but that_ , Dean replied.

 _Why not?_ Seth asked.

 _Because_ , is all Dean typed back because he truly didn't have what would be classified as a proper answer. He didn't even know if Seth wouldn't like the 'real' him, not that he was pretending to be anyone else it was just that he didn't think Seth would find anything appealing about him. He was a high school dropout who has been working in the same repair shop since sixteen and doesn't have anything that he can offer Seth expect for love.

 _If you really did like me as much as you clam you do then you would do anything to make happy, right?_ Seth asked.

 _I don't like you, I love you and the reason I don't want you to see me is because I love you,_ Dean knew that it didn't make any sense to Seth but it wanted to give Seth the truth, even if it wasn't the whole truth.

 _You can't love me, you don't know me_ , ouch, that's kind of hurt even if Dean knew he deserved it.

 _I do know you, I know everything about you_ , Dean typed.

 _You're a creep_ , Seth wrote, that was slightly uncalled considering that Dean thought they were getting along well although he can't disagree.

 _I know,_ Dean typed, _I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late to class_. Seth may of hated him at that moment but that didn't mean that Dean couldn't still care of Seth like only he knew how to.

Because, honestly, if any of his 'friends' cared about him they should of known that something was going on with him. Didn't they notice the things that Seth had started to do? Didn't they notice how often he started using his phone, or looking behind his shoulder or even how he tripled checked he locked all doors and windows – even if wasn't his house? No, they don't. Why? Because they don't really care about Seth and his feelings. The only person that cared about Seth is Dean and Dean doesn't know how else to get that through to Seth.

Dean hadn't notice how he had spaced out until his phoned had buzzed in his hand and for a second he thought it was Seth, even if they had just had an awful conversation. Dean opened the message and turned out it was just from Corey, _A bunch of us are going out for drinks, wanna come with us? We haven't seen you in a while, man_.

Corey was right, he had been ignoring his friends a lot lately to spend more time with Seth but he thought Corey would understand because he was in a 'relationship' with Seth. It wasn't the whole truth but it also wasn't a complete lie either. But Dean decided that he needed to take some time away from thinking about Seth and just let loose a little because it had been a while since he had.

 _Sure,_ Dean typed, _but let's try somewhere new_. If he was going to stop thinking about Seth for a night then he was going to do it right, by not going to the pub that they both usually go.

Turns out trying to avoid thinking about Seth was harder than Dean thought it would have been. No matter where he went there was something that reminded him of him. One of the bartenders had the same hair colours as him… wherever he went he thought he had heard his laugh… everyone around him seemed to order Seth's favourite drink… the only song Dean seemed to hear was the one that Seth enjoyed blasting out late at night after he had one too many with his mates. Dean left before everyone else, he claimed that he was sick but Corey thought that he wanted to have a night with his mystery companion and he wasn't wrong.

He thought for a moment about sending Seth a goodnight text but decided against because Seth seemed creepy angry with them earlier. He planned to give him a day to cool off.

The next morning while Dean was at work he saw Seth as he stormed into the coffee shop and Roman as he struggled to keep up with him. He couldn't still be angry at last night, could he? Dean didn't think that he pissed Seth off that much. Maybe something had happened earlier, like he and Roman had gotten into a fighting on the way to the coffee shop or maybe he had just had a bad night last night (Dean hoped that if that was the case it wasn't because of their little agreement). Seth's crankiness had almost made the girl who took the orders cry but he soon stormed out as quickly and angrily as he had went in, with Roman hot on his heels. Dean smiled ad chuckled, Seth had to be the only person in the world to make being a brat look sexy.

Around two-thirty – when Seth got out of school and Dean took his break – Dean got a message and knew instantly that it was Seth, he was the only one would message Dean while he was working, break or not.

 _How often do you follow me? What do you do for a living?_ Dean had laughed at the sudden questions.

 _All the time. I work,_ it was a lie, Dean didn't always hang out with Seth because, as he had stated, he did work.

 _How can you follow me when you're meant to be working?_ Seth was joking with Dean now? Dean swore he had bi-polar or something because there couldn't be any other way that Seth could go from hating Dean to joking with him.

 _Maybe my job has to do with something to do with following people_ , Dean joked.

 _You a spy or something?_ Seth joked back.

 _Why the fuck would I be a spy_ Dean asked, _I knock off at four-thirty, call me_.

 _Call you? Like ring you?_ Seth asked, confused.

 _Yes, like ring me,_ Dean replied.

Dean worked hard the rest of the day, if he did all of his work early then his boss might let him go early. Luck, however, didn't seem to go in Dean's favour and instead the boss had told him he had to stay back because of something to do with a stupid project that he can only be trusted with or something shit like that. All he really heard was that he had to stay and he would get home at seven instead. Dean kept his phone in his pocket the whole time just in case that Seth did ring him. Dean had mixed thoughts on whether or not Seth would call him. He thought he might because he had done everything else he had asked him to do in the past but at the same time this was a huge step and he didn't think that Seth would be able to go along with it. Usually, he would have forced Seth to do something by demanding it over text but with something like his he thought it should be up for Seth to do when he thought he should.

When Dean had finally finished work, not only had Seth not rung him but it was already 11:50. Sure, Dean didn't think that Seth would actually have rung him but he still thought that Seth would still send him something. But he had gotten nothing, no teasing message or rude questions. Nothing.

Dean decided to call Seth himself, and was shocked to hear Seth slurring, "hey asshole". Dean automatically knew that Seth had been drinking and by the sound of it he had drunk too much.

"Have you been drinking," Dean did already knew the answer but he still wanted to hear it from Seth's mouth. In that moment he realised that that was the first time had Seth had heard his voice.

"Maybe," Seth slurred.

The words were out of his mouth before he had even knew what he had said, "You shouldn't ruin yourself like that, love," he couldn't believe that he used the word 'love'. Never once in his life had the ever said that to anyone and only had his mother called him that.

"Do something for me," Seth asked, like the many time that he had asked before.

"Anything," Dean replied, which they both knew was a lie.

"Meet me, face-to-face, in person one day," Seth asked.

Seth had sounded so valuable in that moment, he couldn't say no to him, but at the same time he didn't think he should say yes. What would of happen if they did? Would Seth of like him? Would it of actually been a set up and the police would arrest him. for all Dean knew the police could have his phone tapped right now.

"Maybe one day," Dean said, "go clean yourself up and go to sleep".

"Yeah, yeah, okay, right," Seth sighed. Dean heard alcohol as it had been poured down the drain.

Maybe one day wasn't a real promise but Dean couldn't have every completely lied to Seth either.


	2. Chapter 2

**H** ** _ey guys_** _ ** _, sorry about taking so long to update, I've been having laptop and family trouble but yeah, here is the second and final chapter in the "At My…" series. I hope you all had just as much fun reading it has I've had writing it :). And excuse the jumping from past tense to present tense from the last chapter to this chapter. I'm still trying to find the best style of writing to suit me and I've just found it too hard to write in past tense, I think I'm better off writing in the present and I'll never make the same mistake again._**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy xoxo!**_

 **Looking in From the Outside**

It's been months, almost a year, since Dean had sent the first message to Seth. It's been almost a year of hiding and secrets. It's been tough trying to hide himself form Seth every time he sees him getting his coffee with Roman every morning – Dean still doesn't like this guy – but he has done it, he's hid everything. Seth still asks to meet Dean but he always replies with a "maybe" and he knows that's Seth is getting frustrated with him but Dean just doesn't know what to do. Should he show himself? Yes, but he doesn't want to ruin their 'relationship'. Sure, it would be better for Seth if he did but Dean just can't face the idea of getting rejected – or worse – by Seth. Instead, he does what's best for him and not Seth, he hides.

Everything's been perfect between them. Today was even Dean's day off so he decided that he would spend the morning having coffee with Seth. Okay, that was lie; he's just standing in the line behind Seth and Roman as they get their morning coffee. Ever since Seth's graduated from school he's been working as a high school teacher. Dean swears to God there is nothing sexier than Seth's ass in a pair of slacks. Dean gets angry whenever his thinks about how many teenage girls think the same thing. How many girls would just love to pull Seth by his tie and kiss him like he belongs to them. But no, Seth doesn't belong to them. He's Dean's.

Dean's train of though is interrupted when he overhears Roman say "he's hot," as he points out the barista behind the counter to Seth. Dean knows that Roman is straight so the only thing that could be happening is that he's doing that. He's trying to set Seth up. That fucking asshole. Dean tenses up as he thinks about what Seth would say. He knows that Seth knows who he belongs to and it sure as Hell isn't that loser behind the counter.

"He is," Seth agrees. Dean has never felt like punching a wall more than this moment.

"Ask for his number then?" Roman suggests.

Dean could see the cogs ticking inside Seth's head. Seth knows what he should say because he has said in the past that he and Dean were together ("as together as we can be"). "I couldn't" Seth says. Good, he made the right choice. Dean relaxes.

"Why not?" Roman asks.

He said no, why you have to push it for? Dean thinks.

"Because I…" Seth starts but hesitates, "… No, I will get his number."

What does Seth think he's doing? He can't be serious. He said that they were together and now he says that. In Dean's mind that means that Seth's cheating on him. But that's also the mind that's telling him that they're in a proper relationship.

Dean pulls his phone out of his pocket angrily and types out a message you're not getting his number. From the corner of his eye he sees Roman congratulating Seth. Roman wouldn't be congratulating him if he knew about what's happening between Dean and Seth.

Seth pulls out the phone to check the message and then, without replying, pockets the phone again. What was like? Tension rises up in Dean and he almost snaps him phone in half with frustration when he sees Seth flirting with Blondie – Dolph, his nametag says – like he's actually single. Dean can see the look of lust in Dolph's eye and he knows that Seth has him. He keeps forgetting that Seth is a natural born flirt. Dean thinks about shoving in front of all the people in front of him in the line and punching Blondie right in the face but ends up storming out before he could do anything for Seth's sake… or that's what he wants to think. He wasn't doing it for Seth – how does storming out help Seth? – He was doing it for himself. He was doing it to protect himself. He ignores the people who give him bad looks as he storms out. Fuck them.

Dean couldn't concentrate enough to drive home so he leaves his car outside the café were he parked it and decides to walk home instead. What kind of asshole does Seth think he is? He can't talk to Dean like a boyfriend then throw him away like he's trash when he finds someone else. Dolph doesn't love him. Dean loves him. No one will love Seth as much as Dean does. No Nikkis, no Randys, no Romans, and, especially, no fucking Dolphs. Seth belongs to Dean. Why does Seth have so much trouble getting that thorough his thick, beautiful head?

On the walk home Dean was twitching and on edge and everyone he went passed gave him suspicious looks when he shoves and snarls at people when they give him weird looks or stands in his way. Probably wondering why there was a lunatic wondering around the streets in the morning. Dean stalks up to his door and through the door in a huff. He throws himself back first onto his couch and pulls his phone out of his pockets and decides to send Seth and text or two. He might get Seth when he's in the middle of an 'important' conversation with Dolph and realise what kind of asshole he is for going after such an idiot. He doubts that though, Seth is usually teaching a class at this time. He sends one off anyway, his not even that hot. He won't reply soon but it doesn't matter. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

Seriously, that blonde hair doesn't even look like good, Dean sends. That was true; Dolph really does need to touch up the roots again. Unlike Seth, whose blonde patch is always looking freshly bleached. Everything about Seth was perfect though. Everything about him was perfect but this. This was uglier than any regrowth. It looks good on you though. Asshole or not, he was still beautiful.

You look in anything, Dean writes, or, you know, in nothing that would be perfectly ok…that would be more than perfect. Dean thinks about that time he washed and dressed Seth after he passed out. Everything about him was so beautiful he was having so much trouble trying to keep his hands from wandering. He did it though. He did it because he knew that he would have no chance with him if he violated Seth in such a way. But Dean sits here now, kind of regretting it now because it looks like he will never get another chance to see Seth like that ever again.

Why aren't you replying to me? He asks. He knows why, it's because his still teaching, but that's deep down inside him. On top he's fucking fuming. The minutes tick on and they start to feel like hours. Stop ignoring me, Dean demands, you'll regret this. Dean thinks about calling up one of his friends and asking them around. It would be like revenge expect for the fact that Seth would have no idea about it. But he doesn't. He may be many things – a prick, a slacker, a stalker – but he isn't one thing and that's a motherfucking cheater.

You're going to regret this shit, Dean starts tying out then then deletes it, that bleached blonde piece of shit will regret what he did Dean corrects himself. Realistically, it's his own fault but like fuck is he going to say that. No one and I repeat NO ONE touches what is mine and you're mine, he claims. As much as Dean doesn't want to admit it anymore he still loves that gorgeous bastard. He shouldn't though, if he loves Seth as much as claimed he would do whatever it is that would make him happy and right now what would make Seth happy is Dean leaving him alone and never coming back. He couldn't do that though, not now and not ever.

Dean gets up and makes his way to his bathroom. He splashes water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He feels like he looks weird but he can't place it. He looks a little stupid with the water still dripping down his face but that's the only thing about him that looks off. Everything else about his face looks the same. It was what's on the inside that's making him look so shitty. Was this heartbreak? He's never experienced it firsthand before but lots of girls back in high school used to say that he had broken their hearts. Did they stand dumbly in front of the mirror like this? Dean couldn't believe that he was acting like a fucking girl over Seth. Dean decides that he wants to – needs to – see Seth.

Walking to the high school was hard. He regrets leaving his car at the café. Not only was the walking horrible but he had to think of another way to see what Seth was up to. Usually he would sit in his car in the parking lot and look into the teacher's lounge with a pair of binoculars. He didn't even have his binoculars with him. They were in his car to. Dean decides to go for it and slinks onto the school grounds. If anyone catches him he'll just say that he's a parent and his having trouble finding the office.

He sees Seth sitting by the window. He was far away but not far enough so he couldn't see Seth's phone and it was clear that he was messaging Dolph. Of fucking course he was.

Stop, Dean types and he sees Seth noticing it before deleting it. He didn't even look around to try and find him like he usually does. Wow, maybe he has fully given up on Dean. Dean couldn't believe it.

Stop ignoring me and, again, Seth deleted it.

Please stop ignoring me? Again, deleted without a second thought. Dean was starting to get all anxious inside. Was this really happening? Did Seth finally decide that it was over? This couldn't be happening. After all this time Seth can't just up and go like their relationship meant nothing to them. It might not look like it but this relationship was everything to Dean and is the best thing that has ever happened to him in his life.

Come on, stop it. Talk to me. Just say one thing. It doesn't have to be a good thing. Just say something. Tell me off, call an asshole, whatever, I don't care, just say something! Dean was getting despite, his heart was actually aching. He was acting like a jealous schoolgirl over Seth. How could this happen? He was a man, God damn it. Where does he get off to acting like a girl? He shouldn't be the one acting like he's hurting. Seth should. They may have been slow but finally the pieces finally fitted together. The only reason that they're in this mess is because Dean is being a shellfish bastard. He can't man up to the idea of really being there for Seth when he needs him to be there as a boyfriend but, instead, gets angry whenever another man shows any attention to Seth. a man that would take him places, be there to hold during the night, real boyfriend stuff. Things Dean doesn't do for him because he's too busy being a prick and thinking of his best interests. But, in Dean's current state of anger, that doesn't register as that but instead more like 'I'm not there, Dolph is, Seth's choosing Dolph over me, Seth's cheating'.

Come on, talk to me, Dean pleads and he has to fight the urge to tap on the glass to get his attention, there are other people in the room and he doesn't want any of them to know that he's there, that could spell all sorts of trouble Dean doesn't think he can handle right now without someone being hurt.

Tell me you love me, again, Seth ignores and deletes the message without even caring.

I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, the desperation is getting evident but Seth wouldn't know that, he's too busy talking to Dolph, the fucking dick.

How about this, I just talk to you and you can stop deleting everything I say? Seth, again, deletes the message. Dean doesn't know why he continues to torture himself like this. Is this how Seth felt whenever he pleads to see Dean and he refuses? Angry and frustrated and not knowing why? Is it something that's he's done? Probably. Defiantly. This is, realistically, all Dean's fault. But Dean's not in the mood to be thinking realistically.

You're not even checking these! Again, the message deleated.

Asshole, Dean sends but quickly send another one, him, not you. Not ever you.

I could never hate you, Dean says, and it's true, he never could, not matter what. Seth could die and Dean will continue to love him. Dean could die and he will continue to love Seth in the after-life. Nothing, and that meanings nothing will stop Dean from loving Seth. Sure, he might finally (maybe) back off and let Seth live out the rest of his life with Dolph or some other low life of his choosing but that would never, ever, stop Dean from loving Seth, not ever. Not even now when you're cheating on me, prick.

Dean scowls as he continues to watch Seth text back and forth about jobs and shit, he reads Seth's I'm a teacher at the high school a few blocks away from the café and Dolph's reply oh man, I'm sure you're popular with the students ;). Yeah, he is popular with the students, especially the girls, who are always daydreaming and talking about kissing their teacher (and probably more, but they don't ever say that out loud, it would start a fight). I am, Seth replies, but they're not the ones I'm interest in ;).

Yeah, you should be interest in me, Dean sends, but it gets ignored and delated like the rest of his messages.

Come on, the guy works in a café, that isn't a real job! He can't provide for you or spoil you! I can though, come on, Seth Dean says, which is a bit of a lie. He doesn't have much money, no, but all of it would defiantly go towards treating and spoiling Seth with whatever he wanted.

Dean was about to start another message about spoiling Seth when he saw something that Dolph wrote I'm trying to get into porn. What the fuck?! Is he serious? The porn industry is something that Seth shouldn't get himself involved in, it's dangerous, and there are drugs and all sorts of other harmful things. Fuck that, seriously, porn is for three types of people – low lives, woman who can't act and girls with daddy issues and Seth isn't any of those things.

Who are you involving yourself in? Someone who wants to fuck other people for money? You're above that, Dean types out furiously and, too Dean's surprise, Seth actually opens it to reply.

Fuck off. At least he has the guts to be honest with me. You haven't said one honest thing to me ever. You haven't even told me where you work, Seth's message said.

I have said honest things though, Dean texts, I told you I love you that's not a lie, babe. But that message went ignored and deleted when Seth goes back to talking to Dolph. Dean slumps against the wall of the school in defeat, with his hands rubbing against his face. This is bullshit. After all the hard work and dedication that Dean has put into their relationship this is how Seth repays him? He checks the time and sees that Seth's break is almost over and will be going back to teaching a class soon. A class full of girls imaging what it would be like to make out with Seth against the black board or on top of the desk. Dean honestly feels that right now Seth would choose anyone over him right now, including those girls and Seth isn't even straight.

When the bell goes Dean picks himself up from his spot on the ground, intending on following Seth around to his classroom, which is still on the bottom floor on the other side of the school, usually unoccupied expect for the one time where Dean found a couple making out. Babe, come on, I'm a good guy, he wrote on the way over, not expecting Seth to reply, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purpose, you know that.

He sees Seth through the window, seeing him teach never gets old. Whenever he's expecting something he gets really passionate about it and becomes full of life and Dean thinks that's where Seth is most alive and himself; in front of a classroom explaining the topic. That and he looks sexy in the glasses he wears. Dean has lost track of how many times he has told Seth he wants nothing more than Seth to give him a blow job while wearing his glasses. I love it when you wear your glasses, Dean types, they look so good on you. Dean can see Seth's eye trail away from the worksheet he was reading off to look at the buzzing phone on the desk, but does nothing so Dean sends another one, everything looks good on you. They're not creative and Seth's heard them millions of times before but Dean just wants Seth to notice him, to listen to him, to just even think about him. But he doesn't, minutes pass and Dean has sent well over twenty messages that he's said all before, telling him he's sexy and the best thing in Dean's life.

I wish you'd just talk to me again, Dean types and Seth actually gets up to check his phone.

"Aren't you going to check that?" a student asks, obviously irritated by the constant buzzing.

"No, but I will silence it," Seth says, getting up and turning it to silence mode. Dean can see Seth's eyes widen from behind his glasses at the sheer amount of message's he's gotten, but doesn't wait to check any of them and instead goes back to teaching his class.

Dean's getting fed up, I'll come into that classroom right now, don't think I won't. He doesn't mean it, but he still hopes that Seth will see it and call him out on it like he usually does. But he doesn't, he continues to teach and the sound of the student's chatting is starting to get on Dean's nerves. This is the longest he thinks that they've gone without speaking to each other since they first started. That may be alright for Seth, but not for Dean, come on babe, I love you, talk to me again. Do anything…yell at me if you want I don't care.

Dean doesn't really notice what he types for a good two minutes, just writes the message and sends it without a second thought. But after he's done his screen is lined with 20 messages rangning from his declarations of love to the hate he feels for the girls who whispers about him behind his back,

Please stop ignoring me.

I do anything for you?

Come on, babe.

I love you.

More than anything.

More than the world.

More than life.

More than anything.

Words can't describe how much I love you.

Hey! That bitch in the back row is talking about you, telling her friends that you're hers.

What bullshit!

You're no one's but mine.

Answer me, please? At least check these?

I'll do whatever you want? I'll buy you something nice? I'll make you feel like a prince.

No.

I'll make you feel like a KING.

Man, I love watching you teach.

You look so fucking sweet when you do it.

Your eyes just fucking light up, you know?

I don't know what I'd do without you.

The look of frustration is soon becoming clear on Seth's face when Dean continues to send him messages as he tries to start writing notes on the board. The feeling of knowing who it is and what he might be saying is eating Seth alive. Sometimes he doesn't put it past Dean actually acting upon any of the threats that Dean spews out, although Dean knows he would never do anything like that. He would never do anything that would put his relationship with Seth at risk, he loves him too much for that.

But, still, Dean throws out text message after text message, some not even making any sense, just jumbles of letters which are meant to be words. Sometimes Dean just sends Seth letters to spell out words.

D

O

N

T

D

O

T

H

I

S

T

O

M

E

I love you, Seth.

It's around text message number ninety eight that Seth finally snaps and it shocks Dean as much as it does his students. The chalk snaps in his hand and it starts to sound like nails on a chalk board. Is all this just because of the messages that Dean was sending? Was his need to have Seth back to being completely his enough to actually stress Seth out this much? This isn't what Dean wanted. He just wanted Seth to reply, to love him again, not to make him lose his fucking mind. Seth quickly gathers up his bag and phone and rushes out of the classroom, ignoring all the students who were asking what the problem was.

Dean tried to follow after but couldn't, his legs weren't working, he was shocked, confused and feeling kind of guilty. Okay, more than kind of. He was feeling like complete shit.

So, maybe he isn't the best boyfriend, he doesn't actually buy things for Seth, he isn't there to take him out, he isn't there to hold him of a night and kiss him awake every morning but that doesn't make him a bad boyfriend, right? Maybe slack, but not bad. He does other things like text him good morning and good night, he tells him that he looks nice during his breaks at work to see him smile for the rest of the day. He just wants to love Seth and to have Seth love him back? Is that too hard. Maybe it is. Maybe that isn't enough anymore. Maybe Seth does need that person to hold and to kiss and to physical love, something that Dean might not be able to provide for him.

Within the span of not even a full day, Dean has ruined the most important thing in his life, but, somehow he doesn't even feel as sad as he should. Seth will be happier when he goes. Dean feels stupid for it to take this long to finally get all this through his head. Does he want Seth? Fuck yes he does. But, more than anything, he wants to see Seth happy.

Slumped against the wall of the classroom, Dean types out his final texts to Seth, I love you Seth, more than anything. I'll do anything to make sure you're happy and if dating that bleached blond dipshit makes you happy then go for it, I wouldn't stand in the way. However, if I find out (trust me, I will) that he has hurt you no one, even you, can stop me from hurting him back 10x worse. I love you, Seth, goodbye.

It takes a moment for Dean to collect himself enough to stand up, but he did on shakily legs not long after. He had to go, the longer he stayed around the school the worse he would feel. He needed to go home, drink an entire bottle shop and pass out on the couch for the next three weeks. Not that that would help him recover, because he doesn't think that anything would help him recover from this, not even death. Dean wonders for a minute if Seth would miss him if he died, not that he would actually know if he died or not.

Walking back around the building and through the parking lot to leave, Dean notices someone slumped against the side of Seth's car. It was Seth… and he was crying? Was Seth actually crying because of what he's done? He didn't want Seth to cry, that's why he's said goodbye. Has he actually broken Seth that much that he's reduced him to a shaking mess on the ground of the car park of the school he works at? No, this isn't what Dean wanted at all. He was to see Seth smile and laugh and actually enjoy himself. Dean tried to tell himself that they were tears of happiness, that Seth was glad that he's gone, but it wasn't working. He knew that they were sad tears and he was the one who caused them, but now?

"No please, don't go, please come back. I want you here, with me. I need you here with me," Seth yells out, almost like a wailing sound. Was he pleading for Dean to come back? After all of this? Would it be shellfish to want to go back or would to be shellfish to turn around and walk away? Even if he did want to walk away, he couldn't, he was frozen in shock. "Come back, please? I need you. Please, just even send me a message to let me know you're still here? I'll take anything".

Before Dean could even break out his trance and go and tell Seth that's he's okay, that he's with him and would never, ever go away, the chance was taken away by Roman who came out of what looked like nowhere to comfort Seth. But instead of actually telling Seth that everything was going to be okay Roman started demanding answers from Seth, who wasn't able to do anything but scream and cry. Dean felt angry, what kind of friend would yell at someone when they're clearly distressed? A shit friend and you know what makes Roman? A shit fucking friend.

"I'm taking you home," Roman said and put Seth into the passenger's side of the car and got in the driver's side. Dean didn't know if he was taking Seth to his house to back to Seth's place but it didn't matter, he'd knock down doors and smash windows to make sure Seth's okay. Dean curses himself again for not having his car with him but follows the car as well as he can without being noticed. Thankfully, he recognises this as the way to Seth's house and slows down slightly because he doesn't have to be worried about losing his away.

Dean hangs around outside out of view for what felt like forever as Roman settled Seth into bed. Dean couldn't believe that Seth hasn't woken up yet, the only time Dean's seen him this out cold is when after he and Randy fucked. The idea still makes Dean want to kill someone. When Roman finally leaves the house Dean goes in, using the spare key that he has seen friends or family take out from under the door mat, and makes a beeline for Seth's bedroom. He tries a couple of times to wake Seth up but when he doesn't work he just slips into bed beside him and falls asleep with an arm wrapped protectively around his waist.

Hours later Dean wakes up to a "what the fuck?" before being pushed off from the bed and onto the floor, he quickly comes to the senses and notices Seth, looking down at him in fright and wonder. He can't help but smile widely whenever he looks at Seth. Fuck he's gorgeous.

"Good morning to you too, sweetcheeks," Dean greets, smiling.

Seth sits there for a moment, thinking, and his mouth opens and closes without forming any real words. Dean thinks he looks so cute when he's confused. "Who are you and why the fuck are you in my house? How did you get in here?" Seth demands after a moment.

Dean feels his smile fading. He knows that Seth wouldn't know who he is but it still hurts to hear him yell at him like that. Dean doesn't know how he should approach this. Should he just say it straight or should he slowly ease himself into the explaining? The look of anger on Seth's face says it all 'tell me who the fuck you are or I'm going to call the police'. "You don't know me?" he asks (why the fuck would Seth know who the fuck he is?) "it's me, D?"

The look of terror quickly leaves Seth face and tackles Dean to the ground. Dean can feel his head slam into the bedside table behind him but none of that matters. The only thing that matters right now is that he can see Seth and Seth can see him and they're finally holding each other just like how Dean's always dreamed of doing. Nothing can be better than this moment in time.

"What are you doing?" Dean laughs when Seth places his hands on the faces of his face and turns his head side-to-side. And, just because he wanted more contact, he puts his hands over the top of Seth's. it felt so nice to be able to touch him. This honestly can't be real.

Seth blushes and ducks his head to try and hide it. he's so fucking cute when he's embarrassed. "Seeing if you're real," he replies.

"I'm real," Dean assure, "I'm very, very much real".

Dean couldn't help himself so he brings his and Seth's lips together and God does it feel like the best thing in the world to finally be able to kiss him. Their lips move together perfectly like they belong together. Their whole bodies are moulded together tightly as if they were one. Hell, in that moment they were. Everything about this moment was perfect. They felt so good, so complete, like this was perfection. And it was. when they part they still have their foreheads pressed together, not able to handle being separated too much, and their breathing between them meshes together as they both smile widely.

"Dean," he introduces himself as once they finally get their breath back.

"Huh?"

"MY name is Dean".

"Nice to meet you Dean, I'm Seth".


End file.
